The Mind Makes the Girl

I’ve never said it out loud, nor do I feel it would make a difference… But I miss him.

I will always blame myself not because I wasn’t there, nor because I didn’t pick up the phone. But because of what could have been if not for my insecurities. My excuses, and taking you for granted. I honestly think I loved you, even if it took me losing you to realize it.

To this day, and possibly for the rest of my life I will live in regret of what could have been.

This is why I refuse to look back, why I hate the memories, and why I will continue moving forward. I know I can’t go back, and it hurts. I’m sorry. 💔

Love for me is…

Knowing I’m wasting my time, but not minding it so much if it’s with you.

Knowing I may end up alone again, but enjoying the good company until then.

No I don’t have hope for us, nor do I think we’ll make it, but let’s just enjoy it until then

love

Disclaimer…

I am a person

Living with chronic pain

Living with a messed up brain

Living for logistics but no memories

Knowing I’ll soon be trapped in my own mind

Reminder…

Happiness is an emotion,

And a temporary one at best.

Remember to keep living for those moments and making them worth feeling again

happiness emotions feelings

And some how the World Keeps Moving forward…

Moving in a direction you once felt as salvation,

Moving at a pace that made sense for a while,

Memories left in song and objects that have no meaning and yet hold an emotion.

Emotions that you can’t remember but can’t help but feel.

You are here and yet so is the rest of the world,

What is the point of forward when we keep somehow moving back

memories

Tired of hearing…

“Have faith”, “it will get better”, “at least you’re still alive and well… It could be worse”

I had faith… Better yet I have faith, but it has and will continue to fill me will false hope. A part of me is expecting a miracle that may very well never come. And it seems easier to just lose faith… But it’s too damn impossible, because that tiny bit of hope is still fighting :(

It can’t get better… I’ve been better, but that doesn’t matter when it’s impossible to recall those moments when things go bad. Yeah sure, they may get better, but they also get worse.

I’m may be alive but not living. The whole damn issue is that I’M NOT WELL. I’m well aware things could be worse, but that never makes this better. I can’t compare myself to worse, it’s not fair to that who you’re comparing, and it’s not fair to demean my pain, loss, issues.

tired depression mental health

I’m 25 years old and I still believe that one day the curse will be broken

Shethinksmore

depression cursed cycle

FINE

Yeah I’m…

FRUSTRATED and full of FEAR,

I’m INSECURE,

NOT okay,

And EXHAUSTED

I’m “F.I.N.E”

It’s starts up, and I’m putting up a fight, but it’s hard to do that when you don’t exactly know what you’re fighting for

Shethinksmore

depression fighting depression hopeless alone anxiety

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